Why a ‘True Temple Marriage’ Lasts in a World of High Divorce Rates

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By Kaitlyn Bancroft, Church News

When Jason Carroll teaches marriage and family preparation classes, he asks students if they’ve heard the commonly cited statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce. “Nearly every hand in every class goes up,” he said.

Perhaps because of statistics like this, far too many people believe their own chance for a successful marriage is no better than a 50/50 coin toss.

“Is this true? Is marriage fragile and unpredictable?” Carroll asked. “My answer to this question is, ‘What kind of marriage are you talking about?’”

Carroll, the family initiative director at Brigham Young University’s Wheatley Institute, expounded on different kinds of marriage during a Brigham Young University–Idaho devotional on Tuesday, March 19.

Carroll said that in his over 30 years of researching marriage, he’s learned that different kinds of marriages have different profiles of risk factors and protective factors — and therefore divorce rates vary greatly across different kinds of marriage.

“The truth is that many marriages have strong foundations that make them incredibly resilient and enduring. … The most important protective factors that contribute to an enduring and flourishing marriage are controllable and fall within the scope of our moral agency,” he said.

Regarding types of marriages, Carroll contrasted a “true temple marriage” with the world’s perception of marriage.

A true temple marriage is more than a couple simply being married in a temple, he said. Rather, it has unique preparations, patterns, priorities and promises.

Preparation

Carroll referred to President Russell M. Nelson’s closing remarks during the October 2019 general conference, in which President Nelson taught that worthiness to enter the temple requires much individual spiritual preparation.

That’s why a true temple marriage begins long before a couple even meets each other. “This unique preparation involves each of us coming closer to Christ in our own lives by faithfully keeping our baptismal covenants, and deepens as each of us expands our covenant relationship with God by making and honoring the covenants of the temple endowment,” Carroll said.

This type of spiritual preparation unequivocally makes a difference to everyday marriages, he continued, as evidenced by the promises of living prophets. But as a researcher, he’s also received a “remarkable” second witness of these truths.

For example, research that Carroll contributed to found that couples who practice sexual restraint have better relationship outcomes. Carroll said this fits within a broad pattern of hundreds of other findings, from studies showing that couples who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates to studies finding that the strongest marriages are completely free of pornography use.

Striving for temple worthiness also safeguards people against many of the prominent threats undermining marriages today, such as selfishness, addiction, infidelity, materialism, digital distractions, spiritual apathy and other challenges, Carroll said.

“The blessings of preparing for a true temple marriage are real, and sincerely striving to be temple worthy prepares each of us to have the spiritual maturity and readiness to establish an eternal marriage, aided by the Savior’s help,” he said.

He also emphasized that for those who regret previous choices and desire to change for the sake of their future marriages, “it is so very true that to repent in the present is to make a new future. And this is always possible through the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ.”

Patterns

Another way a true temple marriage differs from an ordinary marriage is it involves unique patterns of daily living.

Carroll said these patterns emerge from living in a covenant marriage that invites spouses to love, serve, interact with and communicate with each other in ways that are rooted in the sacred ordinance of celestial marriage.

Carroll pointed to Elder David A. Bednar’s 2006 “Liahona” article, “Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” in which Elder Bednar teaches that celestial marriage is a triangle with the Savior at the top, the husband at one base corner and the wife at the other. As each spouse individually draws closer to Christ, they also come closer together.

“Again, do these patterns really make a difference in everyday marriages?” Carroll asked. “Yes, these patterns are given to us by the Lord to provide us with real how-to help in creating a loving marriage.”

For a second witness, Carroll said “hundreds” of studies confirm that flourishing marriages are founded on patterns of shared decision-making, commitment, mature love, sincere forgiveness and the shared religious devotion of spouses.

For instance, a 2020 Wheatley Institute study looked at 16,000 people in 11 countries to explore how different levels of religious participation benefited their lives and families. Carroll said the study found that religious participation has profound benefits, especially for those who engage in home-centered religious practices.

And just last month, the Wheatley Institute published a study finding that couples in flourishing marriages are significantly more likely than other couples to engage in proactive behaviors such as spending meaningful time together, showing kindness and participating in regular maintenance behaviors to improve their relationships.

“In sum, striving to live our covenants every day really matters, and the patterns of gospel living truly strengthen marriage and family relationships in profound ways,” Carroll said.

Priorities

A third way a true temple marriage is unique comes through the way spouses prioritize, Carroll said, such as striving toward shared goals and engaging in necessary struggles and sacrifices together.

He continued that these priorities are centered around the formation of an eternal family, which gives the marriage a deep, sacred purpose that transcends personal or worldly pursuits.

Carroll said he learned this principle in a powerful way when he and his wife, Stefani, were sealed by the late Elder L. Tom Perry, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. In the sealing room in the temple, Elder Perry asked Stefani Carroll what she would do the first time she walked into the kitchen to find a child covered head to toe in strawberry jam.

Though it may seem like an odd question to ask a bride on her wedding day, Jason Carroll said Elder Perry was inviting both of them to begin their marriage with the end in mind.

“Elder Perry taught us that … we were gathered to create a new, eternal family, and that if we would prioritize these eternal truths in our marriage, [then] our relationship with each other would be strengthened and blessed,” Carroll said.

Promises

A final unique feature of a true temple marriage is the type of promises spouses make to each other and to God.

Carroll said he was touched by reflections of President Jeffrey R. Holland, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, on his late wife, Sister Patricia T. Holland, who passed away in July 2023.

While rededicating the St. George Utah Temple, where the Hollands were sealed, President Holland spoke about visiting his wife’s grave for the first time since her burial. “I’m planning on eternity,” he said at that time. “I am collecting on the promises of this temple.”

Carroll said individuals should try to feel the temple’s pledges, promises, hopes and dreams during everyday life.

“I am also planning on eternity, and planning on the promises of the temple for my marriage,” he said. “I share with you my witness that the promises and blessings of the temple can indeed change the world, starting with your own marriage and family relationships.”

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